then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just forgot I was standing up.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
