when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
