True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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