I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
