Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
