he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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