oh god the rape fog is back!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
