I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
