So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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