MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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