I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
