He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
