did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
