My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
