Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
