I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
