don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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