areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
