she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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