I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
