I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
