In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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