He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
