Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
