Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
