does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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