My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
