dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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