Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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