I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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