3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
