i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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