what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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