Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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