theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
third nipple confirmed
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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