Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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