his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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