I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
