i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
false alarm, still single
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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