There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
