piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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