so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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