Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
