worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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