I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
