I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
