i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
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