So drunk its hurt
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
