I just saw a hot homeless man
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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