Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
