Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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