I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
