I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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