All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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