highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
