So drunk, too bad you don't want this
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
