my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
