this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
