he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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