why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
