Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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