and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
